The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
