apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
