my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
