He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
