Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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