Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
