Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
