they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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