My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pants are for mortals
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
