Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize