New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
