Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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