We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
