Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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