Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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