my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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