Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
