my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
