It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
