HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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