I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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