I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
