Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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