College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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