I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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