just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize