i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This baby is an asshole
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
