remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
