I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
