After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm passing your future prison.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize