I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
