she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
