Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
