dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
