Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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