**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
