I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
