We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
