i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
