Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
