Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
