I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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