Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
