This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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