Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize