So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
