would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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