She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
