Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You are the jesus of drinking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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