I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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