doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
