Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
