I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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