Already got asked if we're dating
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
