I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
