Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
