we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
