and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
