Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She bit a glass in half.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
