I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
