Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
