I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
