i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
