i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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