I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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