My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
