I wish my penis had an off switch
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
