Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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